Mz Manners

You won't get this kind of advice from your mom and grandma.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Space Invaders

Mz Manners:

I fucking HATE people who read the New York Times over my shoulder in the crowded subway!

It is hard enough to fold that huge paper perfectly along the columns, and crease it just so, without some morning-coffee-cigarette-breathed-snot-slurper commenting and pointing at my paper. In instances like this, is it inappropriate to scream, “I don’t want to talk to you, dumbass, I’m trying to have some quiet time in my 2 inches of personal space I’m carving out! Here’s a fucking buck fifty, buy your own paper, bitch!” ?

I read your blog every day, and I am looking for a couple to date.

Love and Kisses,

Media Whore

Dear Media Whore,

First of all, take a breath. Do it with me now, breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. All better now?

I imagine the reason you are so angry is because the bad vibes you are expelling out toward everyone are bouncing around the subway car and then landing right back from whence they came, thereby doubling your anger.

I suggest you take the Mz Manners motto to heart: What the world needs now is love sweet love. Say it over and over to yourself next time someone is looking over your shoulder trying to find out what atrocities the Bush administration has committed that day. I think it will help.

To answer your question, if you’re going to live in New York City, you are going to have to deal with people invading your space. Though it is in extremely poor taste to read over someone's shoulder on the subway, I would suggest taking a different approach. Next time you are faced with an over-the-shoulder-paper-reading-offender, move your reading material closer so that said offender can read it more easily. You can even offer him/her a section of the paper. You never know, you might meet that couple you’ve wanted to date right there on the subway. Try it! (And let me know if it works.)

Glad you love the blog. Hopefully some of the good vibes will rub off on you!

Your Friend,

Mz Manners


  • At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh Mz Manners you are so right (and so in the moment). I will do exactly what you say and send good vibes out among the subway ridership - especially as they read over my shoulder. AND I'll provide tissues for all the damn disease spreading assholes...*breathe in, breathe out, breath in *


    love you,
    Media Whore

  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger Mz Manners said…

    Dear Media Whore,

    Good for you! You will have the best subway etiquitte ever! I am glad that my blog has helped you to become more like me (my ultimate goal).

    Happy travels!

    Mz Manners


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