Mz Manners

You won't get this kind of advice from your mom and grandma.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Life on Mars is Just Fine


Dear Mz Manners,

I am a Venus chick, but after reading your post, I really want to change. I need your help!

Make me Mars

Dear Mars:

Congratulations. Saying you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Here are a few pointers that will get you on your way....

1. Undermine male authority and egos whenever possible. (especially at work - you're probably bumping your head against that glass ceiling anyway.)

2. While in mixed company make references to female body parts - but with the proper name, no cute pussy, or la-la references. For example, "Wow, my vagina is really sweaty!"

3. During a first date, refer to as many one night stands as possible. Then he'll know that you are ready for action. And you ARE. Fucking is your new number one priorty.

4. Once you get the guy back to your apartment, ask him for oral sex. Hours later after you came about 5 times - kick his ass out. Early the bed, early to rise!

5. Don't call him. EVER. Even if he calls you every day for a month.


A few months of this and you will be Oh So Mars. Keep me posted on your progress.


Love,
Mz Manners

6 Comments:

  • At 11:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear Mz Manners,

    After a month of not returning his phone calls, can I then at least pick up the phone when he calls? Otherwise, how do I get another date (thereby getting more oral sex)??

    You rock, Mz Manners!

     
  • At 1:20 PM, Blogger Mz Manners said…

    Dear Anonymous -

    That guy is over. Don't think about him. By the end of the month you'll have about 100 folks clamoring for your fickle attentions. Remember, the less you call, the more they call.

    I do rock, it's true.

    Love,
    Mz Manners

     
  • At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear Mz Manners,

    Isn't saying you want to be mars like saying you want to be a man. I am not a lesbian!

     
  • At 5:04 AM, Blogger Noojes said…

    Ha ha A good laugh for new years eve...

    Have a good one

    Noojes

     
  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger Mz Manners said…

    Dear Anonymous -
    First of all you really shouldn't be so definitive. How do you know you aren't a lesbian? Have you tried? Why limit yourself to 49% of the arguably least attractive portion of the population, when you can be part of the majority. (OR even 100% of the pop. if you can wrap your mind about that)

    But baby steps...don't compare acting like a man with being a lesbian. It's a Mars thing. Nothing more.

    Now go out and get yours! Stop posting and start fucking.

    Love,
    Mz Manners

     
  • At 12:28 PM, Blogger Mz Manners said…

    Dear Noojes -
    Happy New Year to you. May it bring you the best and the brightest (and may they be extremely hot.)

    Love,
    Mz Manners

     

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