Mz Manners

You won't get this kind of advice from your mom and grandma.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Holiday Office Party Etiquette!

We all know that this is the time of year when articles start popping up all over the place about how to prevent disaster at your office holiday party. I’ve never found these lists to be at all helpful or accurate. Therefore, I now present you with the official Mz Manners top five guidelines on the proper behavior for office parties.

1. EAT AND DRINK AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. This is probably the only time of year that your boss is offering you free food an alcohol so really go for it. Grab everything you can. If there are hors d’oeuvres being passed around, grab two or three from one tray just in case the wait staff suddenly disappears. Whenever someone asked if you want a drink, the answer is yes. You work hard all year and this is your time to relax and cut lose on your boss’ dime.

2. BRING A LOT OF FRIENDS. It is important that your friends also partake in the free food and alcohol. Also, you don’t want to waste a good buzz hanging out with people from work. The more friends you invite, the more office parties you will be invited to. It would be rude to go to someone else’s office party and not return the favor.

3. DRESS INAPPROPRIATELY. This is a party, not a business meeting. Ladies, wear something short, tight and revealing. You will be the center of attention. If your outfit doesn’t make your boss uncomfortable, then you did not pick the right outfit. Gents, wear whatever you want as long as it doesn’t include a tie and jacket. No one wants to hang out with the dork who wore a suite to a party.

4. BRING A KARAOKE MACHINE. Everyone sounds good when they’re singing karaoke. It is impossible to embarrass yourself while singing, so don’t be shy. If you find out there will not be a Karaoke machine available at the party (which is ridiculous) it is definitely worth renting one. You should start the holiday festivities by singing one of your favorites and then introduce your boss. At this point she will probably politely decline to participate, but don’t take no for an answer. You control the mike so tell everyone that she prepared something special for everyone. Get everyone clapping and chanting until your boss has no choice but to get up there and sing something. You will be the office hero!

5. GOSSIP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. The office party is the time to really find out what the people you work with think of each other. Find out who’s mad at who and why, then pass along the information to everyone at the party. If you can’t find any legitimate gossip, just make stuff up. The best possible outcome is to have at least two people screaming at each other by the end of the party. It will take the attention away from how drunk you are.


  • At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Fired and Fuct said…

    Dear Mz Manners,
    Do you have any advice for someone who recently followed your office party ettiquette to the letter, and was fired? Fired before the last of the liquor could be consumed and while wearing the executive vice president's panties on my head(she's not returning my calls).

    Now what?

  • At 3:28 AM, Blogger Noojes said…

    Ha ha...

    You gotta see the pics of my office party last week...

    Its on mah blog :)


  • At 11:20 AM, Blogger Mz Manners said…

    Dear Fired and Fuct,

    First of all, it was inappropriate to fire you right at the party. (What kind of manners do these people have?) Second of all, if your VP does not see the humor in her panties on your head, then that is not the company for you.

    Good luck in your job search. In the end, you will be better off working for people who understand proper office party etiquette.

    Your friend,
    Mz Manners


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